I am confused. also fangirly.

What's this?! Another blog post? Unheard of!

So, it has come to my attention, (due to my new found frequent use and refreshing of my gmail) that I have 6 subscribers on youtube. Only 2 of them are people I know. I don't understand.

But the main purpose if this post is for me to puzzle out my feelings about becoming a fan of things. (Not just the obsolete facebook version, but like real life interests.) When I become fans of things I usually start after the thing has started. Like for a TV Show, I'll start watching from the beginning when it's a few seasons in. Or like I started watching a lot of youtubers a few months ago, and they had all had communities around them for years. And that makes me feel like if I consier myself a fan of the thing, I'm in some weird way cheating the people who have been fans from the beginning. Especially because if I like something, I am HARDCORE about it. I can make references out of nowhere, and I'm currently doing quite well on my quest to watch all vlogbrothers videos. I can comb the internet for info and interviews and articles on things. When I got caught up on Doctor Who I was excited that I could now freely browse the internet searching for DW things. 

I'm trying to determine why I feel this way. Most times my interests are such that previous fans of the show are completely unaware of my existence just as they were before. And when I start something that a friend had been interested in previously, they usually seem fine with it, sometimes happy to have someone to talk to about it and make references. I know I like having to talk to people about things, and I sure like to make references. When I discovered that Elizabeth (hi) watched White Collar, I didn't think that she was infringing on my fan-ness, I was excited to have someone to talk to about it. I tried to get someone to watch Burn Notice so I could talk to them about it. 

However, there are times when I feel like I will feel like someone is infringing on my fan-ness, or stealing my "thing" although thinking about it, it is generally limited to one person and I think I might have some idea why, but I'm not going to talk about it here on the off chance that she reads this. I made this post to talk about it and try to figure it out, but then I got here and realized that there's really nothing stopping the person from reading this one day, so I guess I'll just leave it as it is. Sorry. I think I was able to still say some things in the top part. If you have any kind of burning curiosity just talk to me and I can tell you about it.

Song of the Moment: Exploding People, by Cloud Cult

Quote of the moment: "You can't feel alone if it's all you've ever known."

-Hank Green, A Song about Anglerfish.